Me and crying are two words what do not go together. The last time i had a breakdown like this from what i can remember was in Year 9 on my first Duke of Edinburgh trek, and i hadn't worn my shoes in which caused both of my feet to be like 2 big blisters by the time i got to the second day, walking back. Yes i had to walk back with feet which were undoubtedly painful. some of the blisters had popped while i was walking so it was a gooey mess inside my shoes but the rest were flipping ridiculous, I'm surprised i wasn't crying all the way back home. I managed to hold it like a man and wait, when i got home i was in tears for hours my feet, well if you can call them feet, looks as dis formed as ET, it was horrible. Not only that on the trip me and my... arch enemy had a few disagreements which i was obviously correct about.
Anyway, so I'm here as sad as i am, with a toilet roll (tissues have ran out) and a cup of tea trying to get my feelings out.
Everything has got too much for me, i mean i am only in year 11 and you could say i have allot worse to come but to be honest nothing can be worse than this. Exam stress may be a cause, only because i have so much pressure of my mum, dad and teachers, all pushing me. At school i am trying to block it out and forget them having a go at me but at home i cant get away from it all, i get calls from my dad asking if i am revising and my mum phoning the school every 10 minuets making things 10 times worse. At school i am called out of each lesson by teachers asking why shes phoning and get humiliated when teachers don't take me out and just say it in front of the whole class. I really have had enough of her, i know she wants the best for me but it really is getting beonde a joke.
I had the day off on Monday with a friend of mine as we thought we should have an 'art day' i was really ready to do some art and get it out of my system, i went around to hers seen as my mother still hasn't got me a printer, i can only use at weekends at dads. And my friend has got one so i went around hers, she put me off for the whole day she didn't even open her book , i wasn't going to let that get me down so i carried on and she wasn't happy, i swear she wants me to fail. And i did all my work on her laptop and it ended up her printer didn't work so i emailed my work to my mum but her coloured printer at work was broken, then the next day at school i tried to print them off and it wouldn't open because it wasn't compatible software. Everything was against me, so not i have shitty black and white ones which i wont get half the marks for because of a bloody printer. I spent all day on these sheets as well. I have had enough of it all. My friend pissing me off all day because she wanted to sit in the sun, she wanted this, she wanted that, i thought it was a flipping ART DAY, i could have stayed at home she was that little help to me. Would have been better off at home.
At school people are bugging me, i had this instant today which tomorrow i will most defiantly be called to see the head teacher, i am most likely to break down in front of him which wouldn't be a good start seen as he is new. I cant be bothered with the aggro because yes i am to blame and no one even cares anyway, the teachers will make a big deal over nothing.
My mum, today at the dinner table we were talking and i was telling her how i am so tired when i come home from school and how i am not going to be able to revise, she was like oh. And how i have had a bad day and i don't want her peeing me off anymore than she has already with another phone call, this time it was actually a confrontation with my friends mum, she told her everything and now all my friends know about shit happening in my life. I really cant be doing with this hell with 2 and a half weeks left, i want her to just shut up and leave my life alone for 2 weeks! how much can i really ask for.
Their is so much stuff which is piling up, little comments of people, mum, dad even my sister, my friends are actually really bad, exams n subjects i never want to do again i am being forced to do good in and yeah i will do alright in them but they don't all have to be hammering me about it every minuet of the day, all i want to do is to be left alone and get on with my work.
Also i have another incident my mum is freaking over is this girl has copied my ICT work and i need to change all of hers aswelll because she doesn't know how to do it and its bugging me, i am staying in every lunch an break time doing my own work never mind other peoples as well. Also my best friend pisses about for the whole year in ICT when i am working the same friend who wanted this non existent 'art day' says her mum will kill her if she doesn't get 2 gcse's in IT so when she was making a bit of an effort i was like i will help you once i have finished mine, and now shes pissing about again leaving it all for me, its so unfair, also i have her Chemistry home work to do because she is going to do me a favor well lets hope it actually materialises.
Everything is mounting up and i cant cope, i really am a strong person you could ask anyone i know but its the little things what really effect me, mean comments what were supposed to be jokes but were not that kind of thing.
Reading this i probably seem like i am this nerd who is a push over but I'm not i just have too much to handle and its getting close to dead lines and with other peoples work to do its getting allot for me.
Zara x
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